Good bye 2012, Hello 2013

Time just keeps slipping by. Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. Since my last post in August of 2012, life through us a wrench that we were not ready to grab. It makes you stop and thank God for watching over our loved ones in times of need. When we are busy in our lives, God is there watching over others. When we are not with them, HE is there. On September 18, 2012 my husband was on his way home from Hershey, Pa at a RV show, he was just inside of New York, and about an hour and a half from home. I had spoken to him 8 minutes before OUR lives changed that day, and things will never be the same again. He wrecked. I got a call from the EMT telling me my husband had been in a car wreck. My heart sank deep into my chest. I could not breathe, I could not think. Was he alive, what happened? I panicked. He said he just has a broke leg, I was so freaking out that they put him on the phone with me. My husband being my husband would not let me know if things were worst. We hung up and I was making phone calls to the few people I knew in New York, we had not been here long. The kids had just started school like 2 weeks when this took place. I had to drive 2 hrs to Sayra Pa, to the trauma center. It was cold, rainy, and foggy. I am thinking ok, I will drive down pick him up. Its just a broke leg, they will have him in a cast ready to come home by the time I get there. At least that is what I am thinking the whole 2 hrs of being alone. No family here and hanging onto the mercy of others I just met in July.  I was into the ER and life just stood still. I saw my husband laying in this bed. His arms, his legs, his face, his hands all bloody. His left side of his face swollen bloody, gashes everywhere. I was shown his ex rays of his broken femur. I was told he is going to have to have surgery. The surgery will take about 4 hours. I had to put on my big girl pants in front of my husband. I could not show any fear. I have to be the strong one. I was with him until they rolled him into surgery. I walked to my car and just broke down. I prayed to God to help me through this because I was so afraid. My children are going to be picked up from home and I am not there, they knew dad was coming home today and he is not there. I need strength and help through this. Tracy has always been the strong one, and got our family through things. Now, its all on my shoulders, and I just wanted to sit and cry. I had nobody there with me. I was all alone in a strange town and my kids were 2 hours away with no idea of how our lives have just changed.

We moved....

Well, once again we have moved locations. We are now living in Victor NY. We moved here in June 2012. Just a few weeks back, I decided I had to meet friends and so off to church we went. I have met some pretty amazing people at church. We went to Victor Community Church. They have an amazing childrens leader and program. JAM city kids. Love it, and John and Noelani love it as well. Krista our oldest daughter and her husband Justin had their first baby on Sat. July 28. We welcome baby Jaxon Kidder Harrison. We take our son, Luke, back next and we get to see our grandson. WOW!! Where does the time go? I believe that NY is a time and place for healing and restoration for our family. We have been through so much in the past 10 years. It is time for PEACE and HAPPINESS in our lives.

Long time, no blog!

It has been several years I see since I have done anything with my blog. Time flies, doesn't it? I guess sharing the story of my life, it took alot out of me, and so many things have been going in my life in these past several years. I have decided to PUSH on through these TRIALS and STORMS in my life. I have finally found a CHURCH HOME!! I am stepping back out of the box, and trying to get my life back on track with God and my home. Of course, dont you know that just as soon as you do that, the devil is waiting around the corner to start throwing things at you, to make you second guess yourself and your worth. I sadly have to admit that he got me a few times, but I am climbing up out of that hole now, and I refuse to let him win!!! I have been reading T.D.Jakes 365 day devotional and journal called Healing, Blessings and Freedom. WOW! what an eye opener and heart touching. I was reminded these things: Temporary setbacks create opportunities for fresh commitment and renewal. So true. I know what my calling is, but I dont jump and do it when God tells me the first time, so as we sit back and DO NOTHING, the thing you know you are to be doing, someone else gets the opportunity dropped on them, and unlike me, they took it and ran with it. I sit back and get angry! But reminded, it was there for me, but DID NOTHING~~ I guess, God needs to work on some more areas of my life.

I am the little girl........Part 3

I am the little girl who is loving life, even in the storms.
I am the little girl who has BIG dreams AGAIN.
I am the little girl who has moved alot.
I am the little girl who believes we are in places for a season.
I am the little girl with every move has taken something positive with it.
I am the little girl who has been freed and healed from all the molestation.
I am the little girl whose life has been changed because of God.
I am the little girl who has learned to put God first in my life.
I am the little girl that God loves unconditionally.
I am the little girl who is so glad that I am NOT who I was years ago.
I am the little girl who God healed in every area of my life.
I am the little girl who God is still working on things in my life.
I am the little girl who has overcome her past and still working on things.
I am the little girl wo is no longer afraid.
I am the little girl whose life is an open book.
I am the little girl who loves to minister to others.
I am the little girl who prays for her family and friends daily.
I am the little girl who still struggles with things, but thanks God for giving me the strength to overcome.
I am the little girl whose kids do not like that I have set boundaries for myself.
I am the little girl whose kids do not always agree with things that I do.
I am the little girl who will not allow others to walk all over her AGAIN.
I am the little girl who loves all 9 of our kids unconditionally, regardless of their feelings for me from time to time.
I am the little girl with peace in her heart.
I am the little girl who does not care what other people think when I share the good,bad, ugly and things I do not wat to share of my past.
I am the little girl who God said to share those things.
I am the little girl who is real, and if everyone is honest with themselves, know that they have things like that in their life too.
I am the little girl who is stepping out of denial and into God's grace.
I am the little girl who has recovered from her past hurts and failures.
I am the little girl dancing and singing in the living room PRAISING GOD!!
I am the little girl who has been healed by His stripes.
I am the little girl thanking God for all of His blessings.
GLORY BE TO GOD!!!
I am the little girl thanking

I was the little girI................Part 2

I was the little girl who was looking for love in all the wrong places.
I was the little girl who was lost in this big world.
I was the little girl who was confused.
I was the little girl who kept all things to herself.
I was the little girl who almost got molested AGAIN.
I was the little girl who had so much anger.
I was the little girl who lost all dreams.
I was the little girl who wanted to run and never come back.
I was the little girl having a baby.
I was the little girl caught up in an abusive relationship.
I was the little girl who got her heart broke time and time again.
I was the little girl who left so many times, but always went back.
I was the little girl walking down the aisle for the wrong reasons.
I was the little girl who aborted a baby.
I was the little girl who could not deal with the pain of what she did.
I was the little girl drinking and partying to kill the pain.
I was the little girl who left again.
I was the little girl trying to move on without him.
I was the little girl who faught to keep her daughter.
I was the little girl sitting in jail.
I was the little girl feeling all alone and nobody to turn to.
I was the little girl so scared and confused.
I was the little girl trying to get my little girl back.
I was the little girl who went back, because I was too afraid and scared to fight any more.
I was the little girl who just wanted to be loved.
I was the little girl who wanted to feel important.
I was the little girl getting high and living for herself.
I was the little girl who tried to bury the paint AGAIN.
I was the little girl getting hit.
I was the little girl being put down.
I was the little girl who thought she was not worthy of anything.
I was the little girl who was sick and tired of being mistreated.
I was the little girl who left for good.
I was the little girl who made alot of foolish mistakes.
I was the little girl who never got counsel for all the pain and hurt inside.
I was the little girl carrying all this baggage everywhere she went.
I was the little girl who lost her daughter.
I was the little girl who was tricked again.
I was the little girl walking down the aisle again.
I was the little girl who was happy.
I was the little girl enjoying life again.
I was the little girl who thought she had finally seen the light.
I was the little girl who was back in church again.
I was the little girl who had another baby.
I was the little girl whose family fell apart again.
I was the little girl who had to make the hardest decision ever.
I was the little girl who put her son in a Christian home for troubled teens.
I was the little girl scared again and afraid.
I was the little girl sitting in the counselors office going through her past after 36 years of pain and hurt.
I was the little girl going through a Celebrate Recovery class.
I was the little girl going to Christian parenting classes every week for almost 3yrs.
I was the little girl who was in Christian counseling every week for almost 3yrs.
I was the little girl clinging to the throne.
I was the little girl praying for her family.
I was the little girl finally telling the family of all the molestion.
I was the little girl finally getting freed.
I was the little girl finally getting healed from old wounds.
I was the little girl putting all her faith in God.
I was the little girl pouring her heart out week after week.
I was the little girl feeling the relief, that I was not alone.

I was the little girl.......Part 1

I was the little girl with golden blonde curly hair and a big smile.
I was the little girl who loved to play dress up in her mom and sisters clothes.
I was the little girl who loved being with her family.
I was the little girl who loved being at her grandparents house.
I was the little girl who had big dreams at such a young age.
I was the little girl who cried when we moved away.
I was the little girl who was lost in the world of moving from place to place.
I was the little girl who waited for her mom to get out of bed each day.
I was the little girl who saw her mom and dad hit each other.
I was the little girl who saw her mom throw the wedding ring off the balcony.
I was the little girl who ran down the stairs and searched the grass for it.
I was the little girl who her mom took with her to her boyfriends house.
I was the little girl waiting at lunch for my mom to show, and she never did.
I was the little girl who saw my dad barge into my moms boyfriends apartment.
I was the little girl who was sexually molested at an early age.
I was the little girl who her mom did not want when she left her dad.
I was the little girl who skipped school at an early age.
I was the little girl with no school supplies.
I was the little girl who the kids picked on.
I was the little girl who hated school.
I was the little girl who washed her clothes in the kitchen sink with dish soap.
I was the little girl who ate dinner at night with the landlady.
I was the little girl who was scared and alone.
I was the little girl who did not understand why all the blue lights were in her yard.
I was the little girl who got sent to stay with church friends for the night.
I was the little girl who saw the blood spots on the kitchen floor.
I was the little girl who went to church with no shoes.
I was the little girl who did not understand the grown up world.
I was the little girl whose mom disappeared.
I was the litte girl with her dad and sister back together.
I was the little girl thinking life was getting better.
I was the little girl who moved again.
I was the little girl who fell off the bike and rushed to the hospital.
I was the little girl whose mom could not be found.
I was the little girl who was in ICU.
I was the little girl waiting for her dad to fly home from New York.
I was the little girl scared while her mom was in a bar drunk.
I was the little girl who was molested again.
I was the little girl who moved to live with her grand parents.
I was the little girl who was finally happy.
I was the little girl who was loved unconditionally by her grandmother.
I was the little girl who made friends.
I was the little girl who was finally stable.
I was the little girl whose mom was far away and hardly contacted me.
I was the little girl with dreams again.
I was the little girl square dancing.
I was the little girl going to church.
I was the little girl learning what family really was.
I was the little girl enjoying her life.
I was the little girl learning to bake and cook.
I was the little girl learning to plant a garden.
I was the little girl learning how to can and freeze food from the garden.
I was the little girl who went fishing.
I was the little girl who was molested again.
I was the little girl who moved back home again.
I was the little girl struggling in school and making friends.
I was the little girl who had to wear a back brace for scolosis.
I was the little girl wondering why this was happening.
I was the little girl who became an aunt.
I was the little girl who loved her little neice.
I was the little girl who moved again.
I was the little girl who had a new family now.
I was the little girl with two step brothers.
I was the little girl with a new step mom.
I was the little girl with new grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
I was the little girl whose mom killed herself.
I was the little girl who kept to herself.
I was the little girl who never got counseling in dealing with death of a parent.
I was the little girl who never told of any of the molestation.
I was the little girl nobody understood.
I was the little girl who stayed isolated at home and locked in her room.
I was the little girl who didn't want to be bothered.
I was the little girl who was trying to figure it all out.

What if I gave???

Our pastor preached on this Sunday, and I just had to share this with all of you.

Judges 3:15-30 NIV

One of the points that was made was this:

When you give nothing,
you can expect nothing,
and you'll have nothing.

What if I gave God my heart?
What if I gave God my problems?
What if I gave God my hang ups?
What if I gave God my family?
What if I gave God my finances?
What if I gave God my worship?
What if I gave God something to work with?

We are only hurting ourselves when we don't give to God.